Early Eden

Early Eden
- by TC Lai, 11th August 2019

And so, the Snake had let the naive couple each take a bite off the apple (spiked!) and now we find Adam hiding in the bushes panicking somewhat about the hard stick between his legs. Previously it had hung limp like the nose of a sloth (west side of Garden) or that of Karl Malden's in many episodes of The Streets of San Francisco (again, west of Garden). Could he still pee, Adam wondered, for he had once a full bladder and the feeling was not a nice one.

Some people say the answer is a firm NO, but till you have experienced the Dawn Marikita
syndrome, it is best to say "Maybe".

But in an act of self-assurance, Adam pointed his "stick" and tried to spray a tree nearby. This despite signs warning him not to do so as it was Seventh Month and that it was customary to first apologise. Early-generation trees were like that. Only in later millennia when they had grown a thicker bark did they close one eye. That is also why you don't find double whorls in 'em trees. Close one eye means close one eye. Trees are stubborn and rooted to their decisions like that; if not, they would have grown feet, bochap, and walked away. Vines, on the other hand, are more fickle and less trustworthy - just like snakes. Better to ask the snails, folks will tell you. But oh, wait, that could take forever. Approach the tree frogs instead. They jabber quite a bit especially after some rain.

Cheetah (Adam's chimpanzee pal) wondered about the commotion and bounded after Adam, who was trying to run away from his shock. But the more he tried to get rid of the hard stick, the more it grew and stay attached. With his other free hand, Adam could only seek relief by cupping and calling out, "Or yee or! Ta zen bo cheng kor!" - which any creature in the Garden who had developed hearing by then knew to be some kind of anguish. Those who had developed a certain dialect knew it to be something else and would giggle for no apparent reason.

At length, Adam had to slow down. He was tiring and feeling also if the hard stick had a mind of its own the way it bobbed and pitched. It reminded Adam of a dowsing stick.

And it always seemed to want to point to the sky - usually at an elevation of about 45 degrees but at times wavering at 20. At that, Adam, still trying to get rid of it, would inadvertently return it to its determined state. Thus onward the Garden Adam went - half reluctantly, half letting nature take its course. Cheetah followed closely behind, still not quite sure how he could help his friend. Adam was not yet the Alpha male and he was not about to submit and wank him off. There are limits to a friendship, he decided; even if it was a cross-species one.

However, he knew of a lady cousin keen to evolve. How she got that idea, he wasn't entirely sure. Some bright light in the night sky was rumored to be responsible. This lady cousin chimp would definitely take Adam in and help nurse him. They will worry about the taboo of cross-species mating later (signs were also posted everywhere in the Garden about this). It was also rumoured to be cast in stone and flung from a mountain millennia later by a man named Moses. No one could be sure for now.

Meanwhile, Eve was as calm as ever. At the moment of her "awakening", she had looked down, saw nothing's changed, and shrugged. Only when she accidentally brushed against her nipples did she feel something different. She'd creamed. That the nipples were also hard and pointing at something was evidence something new was afoot. Her eyesight also went super contrasty, outlining things that were never there before. Things, er, literature and Freudian psychology would label as "phallic in nature".

But Eve did not see anything wrong in things phallic. She only knew she had suddenly developed an appetite for mushrooms. And her mushroom soup became the best this side of the Garden (central).

Now, the Being who had grown the Garden, placed Adam and Eve and other things there, was livid. This was not how it should have gone. He had theorised that the couple would feel shame at first, then fornicate like wildcats on honeymoon and then feel full contrition. Afterwards, sit at his feet to listen to him preach. But now, all he got was a loss in satisfaction, entertainment and also a sense of superiority. Damn, it really soured his mood. He wondered if he should raise the sun tomorrow.

Referencing his World Building 101 Book again, he realised he had missed a footnote. "Nudity does not bring shame; it is the loss of pants."

And so, thus chastised, the Being turned to the pages of haberdashery to learn more. Not far in, he noticed a model with the "Jesus" look - some kind Galilean fashion, and smiled. What an idea! it thought, as another diabolical plan hatched in his purported expansive mind. Trees in the Garden shuddered, flocks of birds flew up, and one man could be seen staggering along holding his wilful dick. A chimp following closely behind.

Elsewhere a woman found a different species of mushroom and creamed. How inconvenient, she muttered. But it gave her an idea for a new dish. But where's Adam?

The end

Background: Inspired by a friend's tree frog phobia. Yes, he was specific. Tree frog (those eyes!).